Introduction to a Nobody
I guess I shoulda expected it, ya know? I mean, it always ends up like this. I get a little over excited and the next thing I know they’re running away so fast they leave a cartoon smoke cloud behind. Looks like my sister was right, guess I really am the “ugly one”.
The trouble with that theory though is, I don’t really believe it. Now, I don’t wanna sound conceited or anything, but there I was, letting myself lose it over yet another “almost” guy, when I realized that I really wasn’t being fair to myself. Like seriously, I looked back at my own reflection in the mirror (conveniently located across from my bed) and thought to myself “Wait a minute! I am way too smart and pretty for this. Really, he is sooooo not worth it”
Of course, this astounding revelation didn’t prevent me from spending the remainder of the day crying in my room and refusing to talk to anyone. In fact, it probably won’t even stop me from letting the next guy do the exact same thing to me in about a week or so. But, for that fleeting moment it was kinda nice. It was like, for just one moment, I was worthy and confident, you know, rather then a blubbering, love struck teenager.
But, really, I’m getting way ahead of myself though now aren’t I. Goodness, I do tend to get a little carried away with things. I mean, here I am pouring out my heart and soul to you like some sort of mental patient and you don’t even know my name.
Miriam Finkelstein
Yeah, definitely could have done without the buildup. Totally one of those moments when you open up a pack of Pokemon cards and you wind up with your 700th Pikachu and perhaps a Jigglypuff or two, super disappointing. I know it doesn’t really deserve the presentation (or the explanation for that matter) but there you have it. My parent’s seem to think it's the perfect name for me. I guess that's their way of telling me they think I'm an overall unappealing person, even if they won’t admit it. They insist my name suits me just perfectly because it's a nice little Jewish name for a nice little Jewish girl.
Oy! I mean really, just what every teenage girl wants, to be that nice little Jewish girl. Okay, so the truth is, if it meant being known at all I doubt that I would really begrudge being that nice little Jewish girl. But, of course, so as to be perfectly unoriginal, my school is chalk full of nice little Jewish girls, and most of them happen to be a lot nicer then me.
I’m not mean or anything, that wasn’t what I meant about them being nicer. It’s just that the rest of them seem to have something that I have just a little bit better. The truth is, I am a nobody. Now, I don’t say that to get sympathy (of course it wouldn’t be discouraged) or because I am one of those insecure popular girls that needs validation, I really am nobody. Like, I’ve gone to school with the same kids since kindergarten and still most of them couldn’t tell you my name.
It’s not from lack of trying either. I mean, it’s not like I just sit around in the corner and don’t talk to anyone (usually at least). I really, really try, but there is just something unremarkable about me. Nobody wants to beat me up or anything, but nobody is begging to be me either. I just kinda disappear into the scenery, I just kinda exist. I’m not a loner though. Like, I do have my group of friends, my “clique”, but that’s about it, beyond that nobody really cares about me and I care about everyone way too much.
I wish I could say that I’m happy with my life, but I just can’t. I can’t really say that I’m unhappy either though. I just am, you know? I live each day and some days are good and others totally suck.
I’m what you call average. I don’t get my prince charming and I don’t get my perfect "happily ever after" fairytale ending. I guess the best I can hope for is to get something just close enough. Hell, I’m a realist. I live in the real world, and in the real world, the truth is nobody really cares.
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