Keep Reading - There MIGHT Be Something Good

       Ever feel like your life is one of those teaser trailers? You know, the ones that come out like a millennia before the movie is actually going to be released and shows you about 20 seconds of undistinguishable footage but never actually tells you anything about the movie at all? I mean, it's like all this buildup and expectation that never really progresses anywhere. Basically, you're just sorta existing in this limbo and hoping that eventually you'll find your way to the main event that you have just been anticipating for your entire life.
      Like, 98% of our lives are spent pursuing these goals that we always seem to get right up close to but never actually reach. Truth is, most of the time we are the ones who pull ourselves away at the last second, afraid of jumping off the cliff for that rope fearing the possible chance of falling. Of course, it's not like we would admit to ourselves that that's what we are doing because, that would make it vastly more difficult to blame everyone else for our problems.
      In the long run, however, it isn't the self-deprication that stings the worst, it's the possibility that we didn't take that jump because somehow we already knew what the outcome would be and that outcome was falling splat on the life's floor, broken and in need of serious repairs. And what happens then? I mean, in reality we would rather admit that it was something we did wrong, that it was our choice, then entertain the possibility that there was nothing to grab onto at all, that the decision had been made for us.
    For it is the "could-not-have beens" that burn a hole in our brains and keep us up at night tossing and turning. It is the truths that we try so hard to hide from ourselves so that we can continue to believe in some dream. Sadly, at the end of the day, it's not like this method succeeds in hurting us any less, it just hurts us differently. You know, instead of rejection and embarrassment, we only have to deal with the rejection. We can pretend on the outside that we haven't been hurt, fake that smile, and deal with all the emotions internally.
     Of course, this method also doesn't help us to grow and progress. Instead, we are caught in a loop of "previously seen on" material that only reflects and never actually gives us anything to keep coming back for. Yet, it isn't like we live in the past. Rather, we live in some alternate reality where nothing real ever happens to us. Instead, we get to create our own truth, our own successes and our own failures, all from the safety of our own minds. It is more comfortable to live in a world of silently created disappointment then to venture into a world where we have no control.
    So, here we are, stuck in some fantasy world where we suffer and triumph just as we would in the real world, but we do not share those victories and defeats for fear of judgement. Living there is not to protect us from feeling pain, but rather from the power of others to cause that pain.

             XOXO
                            E